What the hell is the point in trying if it’s not getting me anywhere??
I feel it, rising; the panic. The room is loud yet I can hear the pounding of my heart in my ears. My breathing becomes erratic, darkness encloses. I am barely able to make out what is right in front of me, I can’t breathe; I’m falling. A large lump forms in my throat, my lungs aren’t functioning properly . On the floor, I feel the world slip away beneath me;am I dying? This can’t be it.
So I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about my situation and I decided to educate myself more on depression and how it affects young adults,.. Being that depression is a reoccurring topic among my family and friends. I felt it would be a good idea to learn more about the facts in hopes that I would be able to help them understand that it’s not something that I can just stop. Comments like ‘just grow up already, stop being a baby’, ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself’, the list goes on and on.. I understand where they’re coming from, but I’d like them to atleast try to see what I am going through. I’m not sitting here crying over spilled milk, it’s so much more than feeling sorry about myself and making my life seem so much worse than it really is. I realize that I am blessed, I have an incredible life, I have had the opportunity to experience life to the fullest. I’ve seen and done things that most people my age haven’t. I’ve had a full life and if I were to die tomorrow, it would be okay. It’s just sometimes I get really sad, and I can’t help it. The more I try to pretend that I am okay the harder it gets. I just want someone to hear me for once and I want to know that I’m not alone.